Sunday, April 13, 2008

I think I might throw up.

Today was doughnut day. The one time of year where I gorge on Krispy Kremes. While running a 5k. To sum up, the ISU Triathlon club puts on this race every year as a fundraiser to send the team to Nationals. You get time cut off your 5k time for the number of doughnuts you eat during the race.

I had no delusions of PRs. In fact, I didn't even have delusions of running a good race. Yesterday afternoon Kori and I did a hilly brutal six miles (our "long run" these days) in frigid 20 mph winds with 30 mph gusts. It also snowed Friday night. Seriously. After running, we did an hour of strength training in the "Group Power" class we go to at the gym (it is essentially a free weight workout that targets all the major muscle groups and is set to music). This workout includes a song devoted to squats and a song devoted to lunges, both with the bar with weights on our shoulders (so approximately four minutes of squats and four of lunges). Our legs were shot. So I did not expect any brilliant performance today. But really, do you sign up for a doughnut run for anything else but to have a good time?

So I woke up this morning, intentionally skipped breakfast, and drove on down to the park where the race started. Immediately as I was pulling in, I bumped into Steve in a Speedo and Borsch in the parking lot. We discussed doughnut/running strategy. I got to witness the yellow shortie shorts.

Laurie showed up soon after and it was a little bloggy meetup. I was the only non-Minnesotan in the group. Interestingly last weekend when I was at a physics grad student party, in between listening to guys talk about nerdy (but boring) stuff while trying to avoid them trapping me in a corner, getting into arguments with Libertarians*, and otherwise looking at my watch to determine when it was socially acceptable for me to bail, I learned a surefire way to spot a Minnesotan.

It has nothing to do with accents or the word they use for soda/pop or a tattoo of Garrison Keillor.

All you have to do is say "Duck, duck, ..."

Now every normal person in the world says "Goose!"

But not a Minnesotan.

They say "Gray Duck!"

Who knew the culture divide between Iowa and our neighbor to the north was so great!

Anyway, we hung out and waited for the race to start. At start time Steve headed to front and Jon and I hung back. The race started and we were off! The race takes place entirely on a bike path so the beginning is actually pretty congested and there is a lot of running off the path to get around people who obviously didn't think when placing themselves. But it is all in good fun, so I avoided tossing an elbow at people running three across on the path.

So my game plan was 6 doughnuts to beat my 5 from last year. So I never sign up for a race unless I think I can PR. In this case, I PR in doughnuts. I got to the first doughnut stop (of 8) and it was packed (you have to stop and eat the doughnuts at the stop). So I ran past it and on to the next one, where I doubled up and downed two doughnuts. Jon apparently doesn't have the doughnut eating speed skillz that I do, so we came out of that stop at the same time (even though he dropped me at the beginning). I will note that at this stop, the workers couldn't keep up and when I got there there were no open doughnut boxes so I totally tore one open like a woman who would not be denied her Krispy Kremes. I seriously ripped the box apart. Time was a-wastin'!

Jon and I ran together until the next stop and then I dropped him here due to my superior speed eating skills. I'll be interested to see our comparative doughnut adjusted times though - I eat faster, but he ate more and runs faster. Note that I didn't see Steve the entire time after the flash of yellow blazing off into the distance. It was an out and back course, so I should have seen him coming back, but I must have been too busy stuffing my face with doughnuts.

After about doughnut number 4, things started to hurt a little. I kept thinking "You can't throw up! You'll lose all your doughnut minutes!" I really thought I might. I think there may have even been some doughnut burping. There was a pit in my stomach. But I bravely pressed on and ate two more dougnuts.

In an odd choice, I wore my Garmin today. This is primarily odd because I have it set to autopause. I typically wear a watch to this race instead so I know what my time was. They didn't announce it, so I actually have no clue. My Garmin says I have 28:11 of run time and 4:57 of rest time. I hope that I didn't have 4:57 of doughnut eating time, since six doughnuts only yields 4:30 off your final time. My previous linear model of 30 sec/doughnut obviously does not work after a certain limit. Experimental evidence shows that there is an increase in time/doughnut as the number of doughnuts increases.

My Garmin also told me I ran 3.4 miles, so who knows what is up. So I'll have to wait for the final results. (Note Garmin also says I burned 450 calories - with Krispy Kremes coming in at a surprisingly low 200 calories each, that means effectively I just ate four doughnuts this morning)

But I'll take 28:11 for running time in a 5k.

Even if it was more like intervals than a 5k.

Yummy frosted covered intervals!

But seriously, I never want to see another Krispy Kreme again.

At least until next year, when in my swan song of doughnut running, I go for 8 - one at each doughnut station.

I didn't want to steal any thunder, so you should go read Steve's and Jon's accounts when they get around to blogging them.

*I am starting to rethink the whole Libertarian cowboy from Wyoming thing.


Steve Stenzel said...

Great Recap! It was SUPER meeting up with you! I can't wait to see the final results!

I'm off and writing....

Anonymous said...

Wow! What a race. I would have been so sick. Congrats on your time though.

jeanne said...

um, i'm gonna go throw up on your behalf. belch.

GOOD LUCK on that pr thing!

(you didn't just say that krispy kreme's have 200 cal per donut??? please tell me that's wrong. it HAS to be more than that. This is a MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!)

Laurie said...

Your race reports always make me laugh. I love that you made a graph! Nice job keeping up the scientist reputation.

Nice job this morning :)

And yes, it is definitely duck, duck, gray duck!

Joe said...

i may have to come out for this race next year. every time i hear about it, i think it sounds nauseously awesome.

Al Dimond said...

Well, there's another candidate for data to be plotted and fit: donuts eaten vs. number of previous finishes. My model predicts that after you go for 8 next year you come back the year after that to break into double-digits.

I must say I'm impressed, though, that both you and Steve report that your running pace was fast compared to your normal 5k times, despite your stomachs being filled with donuts. I don't have any interest in trying this race ever, but if I did I think my pace would be much slower. My strategy would be to eat nothing until the last stop, power through a box or so, and only have to feel the pain through the last half-mile.

I guess the optimal strategy for each runner would depend on a number of personal factors that could only be determined experimentally. However, performing such experiments regularly on one runner would have a significant effect on that runner's ability to eat donuts quickly and run while stuffed with donuts. It would probably also effect the runner's health. So I guess this isn't a field where a typical experimental method is ideal.

Wendy said...

Gray duck??? Who knew??

(Great race report.)

Lisa said...

1. the shorty shorts link was hilarious.
2. that plot you made is awesome.
3. minnesotans are totally weird and not to be trusted!

Steve Stenzel said...

I just saw the results...they have you at 0 doughnuts. They messed that up, big time...

Danielle in Iowa said...

I know! I wrote them. Someone must have written a six that looked like a zero.

And Jeanne, it is really true! You can look it up on the KK website!

And Al, they don't let you do that - you can eat a max of two doughnuts at the last stop. One guy did run to the second to last stop and eat 20 doughnuts there. But Steve still kicked his ass.

Nitmos said...

That doughnut graph is beautiful.

I admire your fortitude to press on with doughnut eating despite the tough conditions!

Rainmaker said...

The fact that you have a doughnut graph is just awesome, pure awesome. If I ever get to do a doughnut run, I'm going to post a graph on my cube wall.

Vijay said...

I check this blog from time to time and usually come here from LtK's

The graph is BRILLIANT!!

peter said...

In Krispy Kreme's Race
My distance was four
Leaden was my pace
Six downed but not more

Audrey said...

You never cease to amaze me Danielle. Multi-sport athlete indeed. Nice chart :)

blink140pnt6 said...

Love that graph! I'll have to keep this in mind for next year. Remind me will ya?